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 I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Seren, 14 weeks ago now at home with my partner Paul, Jo Parkington our midwife, and Tracey, a friend and holistic therapist. I can't believe how quickly time passes! Here are my memories and experiences...
I fell pregnant unexpectedly very early on in a new relationship. I never once considered ending the pregnancy, but it meant that there was a huge amount of change taking place for me (and my partner) all at once. I had just moved from North Wales to Warrington, had lost my job, had no friends or family in the area and was getting used to being in a relationship again having been single for 2.5 years. On top of that I was suffering with anxiety disorders and very low self esteem due to events in my past. I knew the pregnancy would be a huge challenge but I also saw it as a chance for a new start.
Physically everything was fine thankfully. Baby was well and I was fine. I was overweight but this only caused problems with regards to the attitude of the consultants, never anything physical. Time went very slowly for me, and Seren was very overdue.
Ever since I'd discovered I was pregnant I had wanted a homebirth. Meeting Jo was one of the best things I've ever done. She put mine and Paul's minds at rest and answered our numerous questions patiently! Jo has a quiet but evident confidence, and throughout the pregnancy I began to feel more and more self assured. Hiring an independent midwife was a big decision for us but we chose to go ahead with it. It just meant we got all our baby clothes and equipment second hand, or from freecycle. To this day I believe I made the right choice.
Seren's various due dates came and went and eventually I went to see the consultant to ask for an induction date. I'd tried every method of natural induction I knew! This was never something I wanted but psychologically I needed an end date having gone 26 days over my original due date! We now know this date was wrong, but it didnt stop me counting to it at the time. Paul was getting increasingly stressed and anxious and I needed him to be calm so it seemed like the right thing to do. I was booked in for 8am, February 5th 2008. Seren was born at home at 7.04am on that date! Talk about cutting it fine..
My waters had broken at 10.30pm the night before, and almost immediately the contractions were 3 minutes apart and regular. I thought I'd be scared but I wasnt, just so thankful I had a chance to have the birth I'd planned. I phoned Tracey who came round almost immediately. She was a real help, encouraging my breathing, timing contractions and using reflexology on my feet. Paul went to Tesco at midnight to buy me a new birth ball (the cat broke ours!) plus tennis balls for massaging my back. I was coping well with my contractions and felt calm. At some point the birth pool was set up, but I don't remember when!
Paul phoned Jo around 1.30am I think and she was here by 2.30am, when I was 3-4 cms dilated. I got in the pool about an hour later I guess. It was nice, and the change in sensation was a good distraction, but it was never quite hot enough, and for me I wouldnt use it again as I felt a bit isolated in there with everyone else outside of it. I wanted to be close to Paul but was aware of him being uncomfortable trying to hold me. As the labour wore on and the contractions became more painful, it also meant I wasn't able to move as much as I probably would have done if I didn't have it. Transition was horrible, I was sick quite a few times, and the entonox I'd planned on using made the sickness worse, so that scared me a little as I'd counted on it. It was early dawn by this time and I was tired and very emotional.
I began feeling despondent, was tearful and losing my focus, so Jo suggested I move out of the pool, which seemed to help. I was so tired I just wanted to lie down but she kept reminding me (quite firmly!) that in my birth plan I'd stated I didn't want to deliver on my back! I could see her point as I was using a huge amount of energy pushing only to have baby slip back again. I was vaguely aware of making huge amounts of noise, but felt detatched from my body somehow.
Jo moved me into a crouching position with Paul sat on the sofa behind me supporting me. I remember so vividly the moment I felt Seren's head for the first time. It was such a relief to feel her and know I was making progress with each contraction. It felt like I was pushing forever but in reality I don't know how long it took. I was in a fair bit of pain having had no pain relief, but somehow it felt peaceful deep inside, despite all the noise and effort. It was as if my body and mind were truly seperate and I hardly recognised the noisy, strong, determined physical person.
When I truly let go and allowed my body to do what it needed to, things happened very quickly. I remember when Seren was born just being in absolute shock. Everyone else was emotional and crying, making lots of noise etc, and I just looked at her . Jo picked her up and handed her to me ( somehow I'd got on the sofa and was laid down, I dont remember that). She went straight to the breast and stayed there while her cord was left to pulsate. She then had skin to skin time with daddy while I had a natural third stage. Paul tells me I was very pale and my blood pressure was very low, so this may be why my memories of this time are sketchy.
Not long after we all went up to bed. I couldnt sleep and just sat there for ages looking at Paul and Seren asleep together in bed and trying to process in my head what had just happened to me, and how I was suddenly a mum. I ended up getting up and phoning everyone instead!
All I can say really to sum up my birth experience is that it is the best thing I've ever done and I could never have done it without Paul or Jo being there. I've always believed I was failure, would never succeed etc, and now that belief has been shattered, coz I chose to do something, and went through with it, despite truly believing during transition that I couldn't, and I'd have to give in, go to hospital etc. I came through that and did exactly what I'd planned to, and that felt so good and so alien to me. My anxiety disorder has all but disappeared now, I'm losing weight and generally feeling really positive. I know Paul has a new found respect for me (as I do for him).
Seren is thriving, she was 13lb 30z last week, and doesn't stop smiling or chattering in her own way. She's been in her own room since she was 10 weeks old and is very independent and content. The health visitor even said she was a credit to homebirths and she'd never seen a baby so settled so soon after birth. I truly believe this is because I was at home, and as relaxed as I could be.
I would truly recommend Jo, and homebirths to anyone. Don't feel that you can't do it, I overcame all my fears in the end and the support, love and expertise that Jo offers is unbelievable.
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